I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
