Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
