It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
