This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
