i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize