The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
