She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize