he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
