Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
