I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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