got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
