Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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