he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
my poor anus
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
