i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
