so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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