What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
