I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
