I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
