i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I want a musical about memes.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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