My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
