lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
