wakey wakey hands off snakey
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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