Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
