Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
