I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
