My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
