At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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