ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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