I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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