I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
