Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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