Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
