I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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