we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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