just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
