I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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