She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
