don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
