So drunk its hurt
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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