New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
