Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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