you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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