Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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