I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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