Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
