I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize