Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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