What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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