yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
