I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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