Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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