i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
