I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
