I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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