please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
