And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
