This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
