two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
