Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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