I wish I could punch you in the face.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
