i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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