Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
